BDSM Contract 101: How to Create a Dom Sub Contract

In the realm of BDSM, a contract serves as a crucial communication tool for individuals embracing this lifestyle.

BDSM activities range from light bondage and blindfolds to impact play, roleplay, and more. Notably, what defines BDSM is highly individual, varying from person to person. This individuality underscores the significance of a BDSM contract. Given the distinct likes, dislikes, and limits that each participant in kink may possess, establishing a written agreement between two or more individuals planning to engage in BDSM play becomes essential. Through this contractual agreement, clear expectations and boundaries are set, tailored to the preferences and comfort levels of all parties involved.

Moreover, as BDSM activities inherently involve an element of risk, a contract serves the additional purpose of ensuring a safe and enjoyable experience for everyone. By explicitly outlining the agreed-upon terms, the contract contributes to a consensual and responsible engagement in BDSM, emphasizing the importance of communication and mutual understanding within the community.

Whether you’re just starting out on your kinky journey or you’re a longtime practitioner in the lifestyle, a BDSM contract can do some amazing things to improve communication and negotiation, encourage enthusiastic consent, and vastly improve your fun—and your pleasure!

If you’re hoping to learn more or even put together a BDSM contract of your own, this comprehensive guide covers the reasons you need one, the different types, and the key written components necessary for building a solid and helpful agreement. Additionally, this guide will provide practical information on which parties are responsible for writing BDSM contracts, the different formats that are used to create and sign the agreement, and, finally, some templates that will help you dive right in.

Why Have a BDSM Contract?

Whether you enjoy dominance, submission, sadism, masochism, or other similar activities, there are many different reasons—and benefits—for creating and signing a BDSM contract.

Some people find it helpful to have a written record that outlines the relationship (often referred to as the “dynamic”), so that they can keep track of useful details and reference important components as needed. Others like using contracts as a means to easily communicate their needs, desires, and boundaries to their partner, or multiple partners, in a clear and concise way. Still others find that simply going through the process of collaborating and creating a contract is a bonding experience that enhances trust while deepening the relationship.

Other reasons you may want to create and sign a BDSM contract include:

Establishing Boundaries: One of the primary reasons to have a BDSM contract is to define the boundaries and limits of the relationship. Maybe you’re interested in certain BDSM acts, like domination, but not submission. That’s just one example, and there’s a lot more ground to cover when it comes to BDSM behaviors and activities. A contract ensures that all parties involved are on the same page about what is and isn't acceptable within the dynamic.
Opening Up Communication: Opening up to a partner about what you like sexually or what things you might want to try isn’t always easy. For some, it’s downright awkward and uncomfortable. Creating a BDSM contract provides a structured way to either write out or verbally discuss what we like, what we want to try, what we might be open to trying, and what we are absolutely not open to trying (otherwise known as a “hard limit”). Fostering open and honest communication between partners not only reduces misunderstandings and potential conflicts in the future—it also greatly improves the pleasure and joy we experience during intimacy and play.
Negotiating: When you decide to engage in a BDSM dynamic, it’s always helpful to negotiate the terms of the partnership. This refers to the fine details that may or may not be related to sexual acts. Think logistics, time frames, and whether or not you want the dynamic to be exclusive. Will this be a 24/7 dynamic, or do you only want to engage in BDSM with your contract partner once a month? What time frame should you set for revisiting the contract and revising it as the relationship shifts and evolves? Do you want an exclusive dynamic where neither party plays with other partners, or do you prefer to keep things open? These questions and more can all be addressed within the contract.
Ensuring Consent and Safety: One of the most fundamental reasons you need a BDSM contract is to emphasize the importance of informed and enthusiastic consent. Like all sexual activities, BDSM calls for discussing consent beforehand. And when engaging in a play session, also known as a “scene,” a contract is vital for promoting safety by outlining agreed-upon safe words and actions to ensure the well-being of all parties involved.
Building Anticipation: Don’t let the legal jargon fool you. Words like negotiations, boundaries, and logistics may not seem super sexy, but you’d be surprised how exciting creating a BDSM contract can be. Openly discussing your deepest desires—and putting them in writing—can do a whole lot for ramping up your libido. Building that sweet anticipation while making negotiations is one of the most thrilling parts about the contract process.

Types of BDSM Contracts

BDSM contracts come in all types, sizes, and formats. The important thing is to tailor a contract to the specific needs, desires, and dynamics of the individuals involved. Here are some contract types that are common within the BDSM community:

Short-Form Contract: This is a concise contract that focuses on the fundamental aspects of the BDSM dynamic. It typically includes essential elements such as consent, limits, and safe words. Short-form contracts are ideal for those seeking a straightforward and relatively uncomplicated BDSM dynamic that doesn’t involve a romantic or emotionally committed relationship.
Long-Form Contract: A long-form contract is a more detailed and comprehensive document. It delves into the intricate aspects of the BDSM relationship, specifying in-depth rules, conditions, and expectations. Long-form contracts are often used in ongoing long-term BDSM dynamics and provide a thorough framework for the relationship.

A longer contract can also include a checklist or sex menu (more on those below) that covers a broad range of typical BDSM activities. Members of the agreement can rank each activity as a way to communicate their personal preferences to their partner. For example, aftercare might be ranked as a “need,” while rope play might be listed as “want to try” and pain play might be ranked as a “hard limit.”

D/s (Dominant/submissive) Contract: This type of contract outlines a voluntary power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive. The agreed-upon rules are enforced by the Dominant, who is in charge of keeping structure and control in the dynamic. The process for creating this type of agreement typically involves a contract offer, consideration, acceptance, and a mutual intent by both parties to follow the established rules.
Master/Slave Contract: This type of contract is primarily used in a power exchange where the Master exercises total control over the submissive (or slave). Master/Slave contracts usually include complex rules and protocols that are more elaborate in scope.
Play-Only Contract: These are designed for people who want a less formal, short-term BDSM relationship rather than a long-term commitment. The play-only contract typically outlines the specifics of a single BDSM session or scene, such as consent, activities, and boundaries.
Training Contract: Training contracts are used in BDSM relationships where one person is training or mentoring another in various aspects of the lifestyle. This document typically outlines the learning process, goals, and intentions of both parties. Training contracts are useful when one person is teaching the other how to engage in certain BDSM activities safely, such as flogging or rope bondage.
Monogamous and Polyamorous Contracts: Some BDSM relationships are monogamous, meaning only two partners are involved, Others are polyamorous, with multiple individuals participating. Contracts in monogamous dynamics focus on the relationship between two people, while polyamorous contracts define roles, behaviors, and expectations for all participants.
Online BDSM Contracts: With online BDSM communities growing in popularity, some individuals like to engage in BDSM relationships digitally. An online BDSM contract outlines activities and rules for such relationships, often incorporating elements of cyber-domination and submission.

Always remember that BDSM contracts can vary greatly depending on the preferences and needs of each individual. These agreements can be custom made to fit any dynamic—but the key is to enhance and improve communication, negotiation, and consensual exploration within the BDSM lifestyle. Forming a contract can also promote creativity for exploring new and adventurous sexual or non-sexual activities.

The most important thing about BDSM contracts is that all parties involved fully understand and consent to the terms. In this way, you can ensure a safe, satisfying, and pleasurable experience between you and your kinky BDSM partner.

Components of a BDSM Contract

As noted earlier, a BDSM contract can be edited to include or exclude certain elements in order to fit each party’s personal preferences. While a contract is unique to each situation, it can also contain standard language built into a pre-written template (see our recommendations below).

No matter what specifics your contract includes, it should contain certain essential elements to ensure clear communication, mutual consent, and a shared understanding of the terms and boundaries within the dynamic. The following components are important to include in every BDSM contract.

Identification: A contract should state the names of each individual signing the agreement. It’s perfectly acceptable to use a BDSM pseudonym, though some prefer to use their legal name.
Consent and Boundaries: Create a list of practices and activities that both parties’ consent to, and also outline hard and soft limits. This will clearly communicate what activities should be avoided (hard limits), and what you’re open to trying with caution (soft limit). A BDSM checklist or sex menu template can make this section a fun and informative learning experience.
Safe Words and Signals: Write down your safe words or body language signals in the contract. This should be a word you wouldn’t typically say during a play scene (something like “cantaloupe,” for example). You might also come up with a system that means go, slow down, or stop altogether. Many like to use “green,” “yellow,” and “red” to verbally communicate this. Remember to also come up with some sort of signal that an individual can express even if they are tied up or gagged. This might include something like blinking a certain number of times or making certain noises that don’t involve talking.
Roles and Responsibilities: Define the roles and responsibilities of each party involved, outlining their duties, habits, and expectations within the dynamic. This can include specific tasks or activities that reflect the power exchange, such as a submissive using “Sir” to properly address the Dominant.
Duration and Termination: Clearly state the duration of the relationship, whether it's intended to be temporary or long-term. Additionally, the contract should address how the rules of the agreement can be reviewed, changed, or terminated.
Dispute Resolution: Outline a method or methods for dealing with conflict in the relationship. This might involve communication strategies, taking a needed break from the dynamic, or coming up with a protocol specifically made to address a disagreement if one crops up.
Health and Safety: Following health and safety guidelines are crucial to any thriving BDSM relationship. In the contract, include a clause about each party agreeing to STD testing, consent check-ins, and other things that make each individual feel safe within the dynamic.
Consent and Non-Consent: Reinforce the importance of informed and enthusiastic consent, making it clear that consent can be withdrawn at any time, even during a scene in progress.
Collaring: Some BDSM relationships include a collar or other symbol that is worn by one or both parties as a representation of the dynamic. For instance, a Dominant may want to provide his submissive with a subtle collar/necklace to be worn in public, and a more elaborate collar to be worn during play.
Privacy: Include a section about expectations around privacy and confidentiality, especially if the parties involved don’t wish to be publicly open about engaging in BDSM. This may include restrictions on sharing personal information or photos.
Financial Arrangements: If relevant, address financial arrangements within the BDSM dynamic, such as expenses related to equipment, travel, or lifestyle-related costs.
Acknowledgment and Signatures: Include a space at the end of the contract for signing and dating. After all parties involved read, discuss, and fully understand and agree to the terms of the contract, they can then sign and date it as acknowledgment of the agreement.

Remember, it’s not legally binding

It’s important to understand that BDSM contracts are not legally enforceable in the same way that traditional legal contracts are. At any time, each party is free to walk away from the dynamic—and the contract. Even so, BDSM agreements have numerous and wonderful benefits, including improved communication, fostering trust, and establishing intent in case a legal dispute does arise.

Who Should Write the Contract?

If you’re wondering which party is responsible for drafting up the contract in a BDSM dynamic, the answer is: whoever you want. Typically, it’s a collaborative effort, with all parties involved in pre-contract discussions and negotiations. This beginning dialogue is essential for allowing each member of the dynamic to have a say in the terms, limits, and activities of the agreement.

In a D/s dynamic, for example, the Dom might be the one to physically write the contract, but the sub would need to approve the agreement or provide any necessary edits. It can also be the other way around. No matter who is doing the writing, the process of creating and signing a contract involves a back-and-forth dialogue. This is to make sure the contract accurately reflects consent and a shared understanding among everyone involved.

The creation of a BDSM contract should be a positive and enthusiastic experience. Each person in the dynamic needs to feel free to express their preferences, likes, and dislikes without fear of judgment. That way, the process of discussion, writing, review, revision, and, finally, signing, is a positive process that puts your dynamic on the right track from the get-go.

Formats For BDSM Contracts

BDSM contracts can be written in a variety of formats depending on what you want or need. Some common formats within the community include:

Written Document
This is the most traditional and common form of a BDSM contract. A document is drafted, possibly revised, and then signed. Whether you opt for printing and signing a paper document, or keeping things digital and utilizing e-signatures, this format provides a tangible and clear resource that the signers can continually reference and change as needed.
Verbal Agreement
Some BDSM dynamics opt for verbal agreements in place of a tangible contract. With this method, members of the dynamic verbally communicate and consent to any terms and conditions they want to cover in their relationship. Caution should be used when relying on strictly verbal agreements, however, as these are less clear than written contracts.
Video or Audio Recording
While not as common, some prefer entering a BDSM contract by agreeing to the terms and conditions through video or audio format. This creates a visual or auditory record of consent and can add a certain element of personalization that you don’t get with written contracts.
Collaring or Symbolic Gestures
In some BDSM relationships, a gesture such as the exchange of a collar can signify commitment and consent. Though it’s not a formal contract in the traditional sense, these symbolic gestures hold significant meaning within the BDSM community.
Customized BDSM Apps
In the digital age of ever-evolving technology, some people like to use apps that are tailor-made for BDSM dynamics. Mobile apps like Obedience and Weminder allow you to conveniently communicate with your BDSM partner through features like habit trackers, chat, and checklists, while a notes function can be used for writing contracts.

Whatever format you choose, remember to go with the method that makes you feel the most comfortable in your dynamic.

BDSM Contract Templates and Checklists

On to the fun part—creating the contract!

While you can of course write your own contract from scratch with nothing but a bare page and your BDSM partner to help guide you, a template can be a huge help in getting started while also allowing you to tailor everything to your particular wants and needs.

Dom Sub Living offers a free downloadable BDSM contract template, which you can sign as is or make edits as needed. Scribd offers another handy option with this BDSM Relationship Negotiation Sheet and Outline.

But you don’t have to stop with just the contract. While a checklist (sometimes called a sex menu) isn’t meant to replace the contract terms and negotiations, it’s a really useful (and fun!) way to learn all about your partner’s desires, needs, and boundaries.

This BDSM Checklist from FormsPal, which you can download for free and fill out, provides a comprehensive and extensive guide to BDSM activities. There’s a space to indicate your experience with each activity, whether or not you like it, and whether or not you are interested in trying it for the first time.

For example, with bondage, you would check one of the boxes labeled Limit, Maybe, Curious, OK or Do It. And on and on for dozens of potential activities.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual with Contracts

In BDSM, contracts are a useful way to keep your activities safe, sane, and consensual. They help to ensure that all participants remain well-informed and risk aware, so that everyone can feel safe and comfortable. Plus, making a contract can certainly do a lot for building anticipation as you plan out new and fun ways to play with your partner!

So, be safe, keep learning, and enjoy.